Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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