And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
