I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
