its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
