dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
