hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
