Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
