He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
