if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize