Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
