We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
