im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
