i just wanna soil my oats bro
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
