i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
