Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
