I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
There are leaves in my underwear?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize