I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
