I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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