my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
