Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
What drink are we having for lunch?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
