No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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