A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
