She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
