Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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