You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
