New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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