My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
