So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
