In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
