then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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