WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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