My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
