look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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