I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
