Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize