watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
