I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
