My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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