it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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