No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
