My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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