Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
