Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
