my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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