nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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