Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
