Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
