Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
