Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
