Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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