i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You smell like stripper and shame
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Everything about him screamed your future.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
