Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
the liver wants what the liver wants
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
