wanna go halves on a baby?
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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