she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
