how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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