check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
