Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
