I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
