I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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