Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
