"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
