apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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