she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
