i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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