i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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