forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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