My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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