At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
